An Irreversible Step
by Tarmachan
Summary: With a punch and a nickname, Fai told Kurogane more than any pretty words could ever have said. But what happens after Tomoyo leaves them alone? Can they take the next, irreversible step in their relationship?


****Note: Due to ffnet's content restrictions, some parts have been omitted. The full (more explicit version) can be found here: tarmachan dot livejournal dot com slash 1990 dot html****

**Disclaimer: **The lovely ladies of CLAMP created Tsubasa. This is purely a foray into the imagination of what might have happened in the gaps...

**Spoilers!: **Takes place straight after the awesome moment in ch. 167. So spoilers for anyone who's not that far in the manga. Enjoy!

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><p>"<em>That's payback, Kuro-sama…"<em>

"_You bastard, I'll beat you up!"_

About a minute had passed since their happy reunion. _Was_ it happy? _Really? _They did just threaten to hurt each other, after all. And actually _did_ hurt each other. But then, gratuitous violence seemed to be one of the driving forces of their relationship, which existed mostly on a series of punches to the head and many chases with pointy steel objects…

The venerable Princess Tomoyo sighed a little, shaking her head and smiling.

_Whatever works for them, I suppose… as long as they are both truly content._

"I shall leave the two of you to, ah, _reacquaint _with each other," Tomoyo said, swiftly leaving whatever _moment_ it was that the two were currently having. She didn't think they'd really heard her; since the punch Fai and Kurogane had been standing and sitting, respectively, frozen, their eyes locked. From this angle, she had only been able to see Fai's face, but what she saw in the depth of his gaze reassured her. These two weren't parting ever again.

Satisfied, she slid the door shut, though not before reminding the two, in a slightly _louder_ voice, that they were expected out at the bridge leading to the main courtyard in the morning. Which was _plenty_ of time to say whatever it was they needed to say, or, indeed, _do_ anything they needed to do. She made sure to outline all of this in a progressively louder tone, until Kurogane snapped out of his daze and complained as loudly as he dared to his princess, face glowing.

Giggling softly, Tomoyo went to see how the other princess was faring.

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><p>Now that Tomoyo had left the room, the atmosphere suddenly transformed into something more substantial, more tense. Kurogane wasn't quite sure where to go from here, now that the mage was back to his stupid nicknames (<em>and aren't I glad to hear them<em>). He cast his gaze across the room, looking anywhere but the sole remaining blue orb which was currently attempting to gaze into what felt like the depths of his soul.

"Kuro-tan?"

The voice, closer than before, cut through the silence like a blade. It pulled Kurogane out of his staring competition with the scroll hanging from the far wall, and made him evaluate the man now kneeling before him.

_When did he move?_ _Damn tricky vampire speed…_

He took in that blonde hair, so unnatural in this country, spilling over his shoulder in a ponytail bound with red ribbon. His line of sight travelled across from here, noticing the small peek of collarbone in the gap of the robes (_so damn skinny…_), and down the centre of the outfit that fit perfectly to the smooth lines of his body… _hold on_.

_Is he wearing… _oh_, I'm going to have to have _words_ with Tomoyo later…_

The mage was indeed wearing a _furisode_. And Kurogane bet his sword (which he sadly remembered he had abandoned not long ago) that Tomoyo had told the mage nothing about its significance. And the mage, with zero knowledge of Nihon culture, had just gone along with her. Kurogane grimaced internally at the thought of them together. _Plotting._ He could already hear the distant "_Ohohohoho…_"

_And I will definitely be the victim of most of those plots. Note to self: do not let the mage and Tomoyo have private meetings from now on._

"Ne, Kuro-rin, are you checking me out?"

That broke him from his reverie instantly, and he remembered that he was still staring intently. At the magician's waist. Goddamn it.

And the damn vampire mage was now drawing close, a silly grin painted across his face. It wasn't, Kurogane noted with some happiness, that stupid grin from the mask that now lay broken. Or rather, it was the same grin, but the gleeful mischief reached all the way into his eye this time. He felt arms start to loop around his neck as the magician snaked his body forwards.

_This is usually the part where you push him away, grab your sword, and chase him around the garden._

At least, that was what his brain was saying. But after all they had been through, all of the times that _he_ had been pushed away since godforsaken Tokyo; he couldn't bring himself to do it. This was the first time in a long while that the other man had voluntarily attempted more contact than just a hateful grip on his bleeding wrist. Besides which he had no sword to hand, and he was in no fit state to be chasing anything.

The excuse sounded pathetic even in his head.

_And_ he'd forgotten to actually retort to that "checking me out" comment. Was it too late to do so now? And he _had_ been checking him out. And he had quite possibly liked what he sa—

_What the hell am I _thinking_? Clearly, I'm still suffering from the blood loss. I mean, I—_

_But how did you feel when he pushed you away? _Another internal Kurogane pointed out. _And how do you feel now that he's back, and the mask is gone?_

Sometimes Kurogane hated that small, logical part of his brain.

The mage was practically on his lap now, arms winding tightly around his neck. It was at this unfortunate moment that the top of the magician's right arm brushed against a sensitive patch of skin on his shoulder, causing a sharp intake of breath from the ninja.

And just like that, the moment was ruined.

The smaller man froze, then quickly extracted his arms and hands from around the ninja, trembling fingers going to the place he had brushed and hovering over it. His long hair hid his eye from Kurogane's piercing gaze.

"Did I hurt you, Kuro-tan? Sorry…" His voice sounded positively wretched, like he was on the verge of tears.

Kurogane sighed. He had approximately three seconds before the mage blew it out of proportion and started all his self-blame crap, probably going as far as to feel guilty that Kurogane had cut the damn thing off to save him.

"It's fine, alright mage?" He said quickly, shrugging the empty shoulder a little and attempting not to wince at the pain it caused. "It was an accident, and we all know I can handle a lot more than that."

The magician looked up again, attempting to look like there hadn't been water threatening to overflow a few moments ago. He smiled a small smile, whilst nodding in the affirmative.

"I know, Kuro-sama. I'm just- a lot has happened in these past few days… it's given me somewhat of a new perspective on everything. I still need time, though. To change myself."

Blonde hair moved closer as the mage pitched forwards again, leaning his head on the right side of Kurogane's chest. His arms came up, wrapping this time around the ninja's torso, taking care not to agitate the wound on his lower abdomen.

Kurogane felt the mage clutch at the fabric of his yukata, and a whole host of thoughts tumbled through his mind in those few small moments. Most of them concerned the topic of whether to remove the magician, stay completely frozen, or (and Kurogane couldn't quite believe he was considering this one) to wind his remaining arm around the mage's lithe frame.

Instead, what came out was: "You need to feed."

_Good job, Kurogane, way to dodge the question entirely._

He felt the mage freeze up at his directive, the hands clutching his clothes tightening their hold momentarily.

"But you're injured," a muffled voice protested from below, "I can't take blood from you when you're still trying to make it up!"

Somehow, he just knew they'd still get into an argument over feeding.

He sighed, then reasoned, "I've been here for the better part of three weeks now, and the healers have been working to replenish the blood I've lost. They speed up the process a little, but yeah, I'm a little low on blood right now. But so are you. As long as you only take a little, it should be fine, right?"

Fai didn't look like he agreed for a second, but another glare into that azure ocean turned his expression from one of immense worry to worried resignation. Sighing, he pulled himself away from the ninja again, settling back onto his feet.

Kurogane brought up his only remaining arm, and offered it out to the mage.

"Here." He gestured, waving his wrist a little at the other man, "You'll have to use your claws, since I don't have anything sharp handy."

Fai looked more than a little horrified at this; he had never been the one to make the incision before. Even in Infinity, during his darkest moments, when he had intentionally scraped his teeth over jagged wounds, it had always been Kurogane who'd opened up the skin first. It was Kurogane who took flawless tanned skin and marred it, causing rivulets of crimson to burst forth into Fai's greedy maw. The magician steeled himself, nodding a little at his internal decision. He had decided to live. So he would do this.

There was now only one problem.

Long, thin fingers wrapped gently around the proffered wrist, and politely pushed it back towards its owner.

"I can't cut your sword arm, Kuro-pon! Especially since you're low on appendages right now!"

Kurogane frowned a little, but nodded in agreement. The mage was right; he couldn't afford an injury to his dominant arm, especially when it was his _only_ arm now.

"Well," Kurogane asked, "where else is a good place to feed from?"

Fai grinned. That was an evil grin. He'd been _waiting_ for Kurogane to ask him that…

"Well…" Fai replied, stretching out the word into something devious, "I was wondering if I could try feeding from your neck."

_Huh? _"Why the neck?"

"Well, I was talking to Tomoyo last week…"

_Goddamn it. I KNEW they'd start plotting things! _

"… and she asked me about being a vampire. I explained the basics, and how I would feed, and then she asked me if I'd ever fed from your neck."

"Why would she ask that?"

"Well, apparently that's what vampires are supposed to do! I mean, in all the stories and everything. And since she's visited many worlds in her dreams, she knows quite a lot of stories!"

Kurogane considered this for a moment, then shrugged. "If that's how it's supposed to be done, then fine. I can't see another option at this point anyway."

Fai smiled again, smaller this time, and looked at him expectantly.

Kurogane shifted onto his knees for better balance and tilted his head to face his bad shoulder, eyes flashing up to meet the magician's.

Fai took this as a signal to move. He inched closer to the ninja, settling with his knees on either side of Kurogane's, almost straddling the other's lap. His hands were trembling slightly as he grasped the yukata covering the man's right shoulder and pulled it aside, revealing taut muscles that rushed up to greet his exposed neck. For a moment he just stared, taking in every visible inch of the glorious picture that was Kurogane's torso, but he quickly nudged himself to continue when he realised what he was doing.

Straining his eyes to the right, Kurogane watched as the magician brushed aside his clothing. Those fingers burned where they met his skin, and sent warm tingles surging downwards. Suppressing the urge to shiver under the touch, he averted his gaze from the scene, desperately hoping none of the heat was rushing to his face. He had never let his guard down enough for someone to touch him like this, and it was doing strange things to his body that he didn't want to think about.

"Alright, Kuro-sama. I'm going to make the incision."

He felt a stinging pain in the lower right side of his neck, and glanced down briefly to see Fai's right hand in all its claw-extended glory. Blood coated the very tip of his forefinger's talon, but was soon licked clean by a pink tongue darting from between pale lips. His eye was completely gold by now, the pupil a hungry slit, and Kurogane looked away again as the face moved closer to its quarry.

He felt a hand move up the left side of his neck, now de-clawed, coming to settle on the part of his jaw just below the ear, whilst another gripped his right shoulder to steady him. He could feel the trickle of blood travelling down towards his collarbone now.

And then an eager tongue swept up any escaping blood, moving towards the small wound. Kurogane had to bite his bottom lip slightly to keep from making any sound; this was far more intimate than any feeding session they'd ever had and impulsive thoughts overrode his senses, making him consider doing things to the magician he'd never thought about doing before. He could still feel the path of that tongue, seared into his skin; he wanted that tongue to taste more of him, wanted to taste that tongue himself. It was taking most of his self control now to stop himself from seizing the smaller man by the face and crushing his lips against his own.

Those lips came down over the wound moments later, sealing it from the air, so the mage could begin to draw out more blood. Kurogane felt himself being slowly drained, electricity flooding his veins as that tongue lapped up his life force. There was an intensity to this that he'd never felt in the past, something almost tangible, a deep connection between them accompanied by sensations that he couldn't ignore any longer. Every pull of his blood into that cavern of fire sent a matching heat roaring downwards through his body. A small gasp of pleasure escaped his lips before he could stop it, and he prayed desperately that the mage hadn't heard it.

But he must have, for he broke contact not a second later. Running that tongue once more over the wound to speed up the healing he withdrew, now looking straight into Kurogane's eyes, searchingly. His hands remained where they were.

Kurogane looked down into that glowing golden eye, filled to the brim with bloodlust. Blood still smeared the edges of the vampire's mouth, and he couldn't tear his eyes away from those lips as the devilish tongue crept out and cleared away the evidence. Their faces were mere inches apart, and if he just had the nerve to move forwards…

He suddenly became aware that the mage was slowly leaning towards him, too. In fact, the golden eye that had been there a second ago had been washed away by azure, but the lust he had seen in that gaze had not diminished. In fact, it seemed stronger.

_I wonder if my eyes look the same…_

He took a breath (_since when did I have to remind myself to do that?_), unconsciously licking his lips as the magician leaned his face closer. He could feel the breath on his face now, fluttering puffs of air that still held the tangy clamour of blood. His stomach fluttered awkwardly, and he had to inwardly scold himself for being so flustered by the proximity of the other man. This feeling was immensely foreign, nothing like the tension that built up before the storm of battle. This was different, and he suddenly realised that he was more nervous now than he had ever been before an enemy.

Fai stopped, lips mere millimetres away from the ninja's. Want and lust and _need_ were thundering through his veins now, for more than the blood that he could still sense rushing through the other man. His face and body felt flushed from the feeding, but the sensations that he'd received as he'd drawn his life fuel out of the ninja's neck into his mouth… it had taken on another dimension entirely. And the _sound_ that the other man had emitted… Fai knew Kurogane must have felt it too, and he had frozen for just a moment. Frozen partially because he had a great urge to run away, but mostly because of the sheer weight of emotion carried in that one escaping sound, a sound which told Fai that his body was not the only one throbbing with want.

And so here they were, moments away from taking an irreversible step in their relationship. Fai watched the ninja's tongue emerge to wet his lips; indeed, he was enraptured by the simple action. He could feel crimson eyes burning into him as he stared, willing him to make the next move. Willing him to take the step forward; to stop running.

Kurogane stared down at the golden mess of hair currently obscuring the magician's eye from view. He could feel the mage studying him; they were so close now, but he would wait patiently for the other man to make his decision. This simple act was one that required a certain degree of honesty, and a surrendering of age-old barriers. He couldn't force this; not now.

He just hoped the idiot would hurry up. The fluttering in his stomach was getting progressively worse, and the stifling tension in the air made him seriously doubt his resolve to wait.

And then he felt a brush of lips against his own, soft golden hair tickling his nose, as the mage closed the distance between them at last with the lightest of pressures. There was still a hesitation in his movements, a remnant fear of rejection and insecurity that he couldn't hide, but he was trying his utmost to overcome it, Kurogane could tell. His lips were soft and unmarred, and felt absolutely glorious against his own. He raised his remaining hand to the mage's face, marvelling at the softness of the skin there, and cupped his jaw gently, fingers caught in strands of silken gold. The mere presence of his touch appeared to reassure the smaller man, and the kiss grew more confident, still a light, barely moving pressure.

Kurogane moved his lips against the others experimentally, urging a response, which was immediately given. The kiss grew deeper, the movement of their mouths increased, and Kurogane could taste his own blood upon them. His grip on the man's face tightened, pulling it closer, pulling those lips further into his own. The magician's hand at his shoulder clutched at his yukata desperately, fingers fisting into the fabric, whilst the hand on his face shifted back to explore jet black spikes. Their mouths moved against each other more quickly now, shifting wider and wider until Kurogane felt the wet touch of a tongue accidentally brush across his lips. Unable to hold back from pushing further, he darted his own tongue into the mage's mouth, briefly tasting the roof of the warm cavern. On the way out, his tongue was caught by its partner, which slid uncertainly against him. Rousing it into a dance, their kisses grew sloppier and open-mouthed, lips sliding over each other with lessening finesse.

_How I wish I had two arms_, Kurogane thought, as he withdrew his hand reluctantly from the smooth skin of the magician's face to wrap around the back of the torso that was still too far away, perched at the edge of his lap. As his fingers curled around the lithe body, he felt a low mewl emit from the smaller man, vibrating through his mouth and transmitted as heat to various parts of his body. Deciding that the other man's hesitation had passed, he pulled the arm to his chest, drawing an occupied mage up his lap to crush their bodies together at last, taking care to avoid pressing him too hard against his injuries. What followed was pure hunger, lips moving together frantically as each sought to taste as much as possible of the other, their bodies joining at last in a tumult of heat and ecstasy.

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><p>"You know, I think that's the first time I've ever heard you say my name." The magician said softly, breaking the silence finally. He could hear the lilt of amusement in his tone, despite his hidden expression.<p>

"Yeah, well that's the first time I've not wanted you to shut your mouth for being too noisy." The ninja countered, smirking.

"Kuro-sama, you're so mean to me..." He replied, face showing mock hurt. He moved in to kiss the ninja again, tongues curling languidly around each other.

Drawing apart, they finally made a move to lie down properly, before the magician decided to fall asleep on him sitting up. Fai snuggled up as best he could, though it was near impossible to actually embrace the ninja lying down, with the left part of his abdomen blown out on one side and the right arm missing on the other. So he settled for lying as close to him as possible, fingers entwining with the other man's. It still hurt, looking at what the ninja had been reduced to, but if anything he had just proved that he wasn't going to be held back by something like this.

Feeling the magician's fingers snake into his palm, he closed his own around them and threaded them between, squeezing the hand that clasped back just as tightly.

He was floating, that much he knew, and he was somewhere warm, somewhere that he didn't have to fight. He couldn't see anything, but there was a reassuring presence by his side. As he reached out, it seemed to move away, though he tried to pursue it. The last thing he noted was that, as he stretched towards the unknown entity, it was two arms that reached out, trying to hold on to that existence.

As his eyes fluttered open, Kurogane sighed. For just a moment he wanted to believe that the dream had been real. He could still feel the weight of his left arm, even though it was a world away, trapped inside a closed dimension. The worst thing was the itch. _Phantom limb_, he knew it was called; some of his unfortunate comrades in Yama had taught him that. It was going to take some getting used to.

He glared down at the empty sleeve that should have been holding his arm, remembering the scar in the middle of the palm, a constant reminder of what he had sought to protect and had lost. A reminder of new beginnings, serving under the one who had made the wound. And now, he had sacrificed that reminder because he had found something he wanted to protect again.

He felt a presence stir beside him, and turned to greet his lover. His golden hair was mussed and spilling from the ribbon, furisode dishevelled and half-off, and yet somehow he still radiated an ethereal beauty. The blue eye peeking out from the pillow reflected the bright light now streaming through the shoji paper doors, giving it a glimmering depth that Kurogane wanted to stare into for hours.

"Morning, Kuro-rin..." he said, voice husky from sleep.

He offered a similar greeting in return, whilst moving to sit up again. It proved a little difficult with one arm, though he managed after begrudgingly accepting the magician's help. Judging by the light, it was almost time for them to meet Tomoyo and the others.

"I think you'll have to help me get dressed," Kurogane mumbled, casting aside his pride for a moment. He could still feel it, the itch gnawing at the place where there shouldn't be one; he grasped the empty sleeve, pulling on it gently and frowning.

"Is something wrong, Kuro-contemplation?" The mage asked, turning away briefly to untie his eyepatch, which had loosened during his rest.

_I'm never going to escape those nicknames now, am I?_

"It's nothing, just a sort of tickling pain."

He looked up to see the blonde man freeze, fingers lingering where they were beginning to redo the knot at the back of his head.

"I understand," he replied.

Turning back towards Kurogane, he lowered his hands, bringing the black fabric to rest in his lap.

Kurogane's eyes widened a little as he took in the sight. Where there should have been another beautiful pool of azure, there was only an empty socket, covered by a dishevelled lid that caved inwards in the absence of an eyeball. It was the first time he'd seen the ruined hollow since Tokyo, when he had tied the same patch over the face of an unconscious newly-made vampire. The memories still burned a little, but he didn't let it show in his expression.

"Sometimes I get a pain or an itch here, even though it's gone," he continued, fingers coming up to brush over the indented lid, tracing the small scars from where scrabbling fingers had—

The ninja's own fingers came up to meet them, curling around the hand and gently moving them away from the wound so he could press his lips against the bone above, caressing his brow with a ghosting kiss.

As he withdrew he could tell from the glassy eye that it had meant much more to the magician than he wanted to reveal. Blinking rapidly and quietly clearing his throat, Fai retrieved the black patch from where it rested across his thighs and brought it up to hide his missing eye once again, tying the knot rapidly with practiced hands.

As he helped Kurogane change robes, he babbled on about nonsense that Kurogane would have normally drowned out. It was nice to see his (lie-free) old self shining through again, was Kurogane's first thought; he was even glad to have so many nicknames again, despite his customary grumbling about their annoyance.

Now standing for the first time since his fateful decision, he felt greatly overbalanced on his right side. It was going to affect his fighting, he knew; even if he retained his dominant sword-arm, he was still going to have to adapt all of his techniques to defend against his vulnerable left, as well as to avoid falling over altogether. He gathered the empty sleeve in his fist again, burning a hole in it with his eyes. It was going to be hard, but he was never one to back down from a challenge...

A soft hand touched his cheek, bringing his face around to the smaller man. Their eyes met once again, two rubies facing glimmering azure.

"It'll all work out, you know," Fai smiled.

It was small, but it was a _real_ smile, and it warmed Kurogane to see it. It put everything into perspective, all of the fighting, the pain and the darkness. _This_ was the reason he had parted with his left arm without a second thought. _This_ was what he had wanted to save. Everything he had done, he had done for those precious to him, and this man was the most precious of all, a shattered crystal that he had pieced together and rescued from ruin, only to discover its true value was priceless once it was repaired.

"Aa," Kurogane agreed, taking a few steps just to make sure he was steady. When all seemed well, he nodded his head towards the door, eyebrow raised in question. He watched the mage try to straighten his clothes and hair, in a vain attempt to look decent, since they didn't have time to bathe away most of the evidence of their activities.

_Tomoyo is definitely going to give me hell over this._

"Lead on, Kuro-tan!" A neatened magician declared.

They left together, side by side, heading out into the morning to their waiting friends.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading!<br>**


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